Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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