She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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