I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
