I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
