My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
