Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
