i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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