He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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