peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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