well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
