I want to have your abortion
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
