oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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