Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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