I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
