I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
