WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
