I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
