bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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