My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize