in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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