I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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