Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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