So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
