You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
