Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
