Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
