she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
