he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
