he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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