The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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