hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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