I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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