Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
