Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
