The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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