The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
