Nicole vs. Life
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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