I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
