..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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