at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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