we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
