If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
