Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
