pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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