guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
