also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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