I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
