Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
