Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
