are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
