I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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