Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
my liver is dry heaving
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
