Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
