No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
