I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
