Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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