I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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