The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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