so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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