I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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