Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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