my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
