Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
