I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize