I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
