Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
