She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
