And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
