Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
