I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
