This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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