I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
