you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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