I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
